Written by Happiness is always available to you.
Mind, Consciousness, Thought
Inspired by Sydney Banks and Michael Neill
Le me know what you think in the comments section or send me an email – [email protected]
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Happiness with Flow
Brownstone Fitness coaching
Finding Happiness Through Flow
How often are you in flow? Flow occurs when you’re engaged in an activity that’s challenging but not outside your skill set. It’s something so deeply interesting that you lose all sense of time and place and you have the feeling that, wherever this is, it’s exactly the place you are supposed to be.
Flow can occur on a job, in an athletic activity, through the creation of art, or in relationship with someone. In this state, your focus gives you access to your essential self. You tap into the source of natural pleasure that is our birthright. As me move into adulthood, this source gets polluted, blocked, covered up, diverted.
Losing It and Finding It Again
I enjoy (and miss) working with young people. Even the teenagers I worked with who had been beaten down, still retained a sense of the possible. For some it was rare, but almost all of them had times when they were able to access that internal flame of simple joy.
As we become adults, we’ve been clothed in “shoulds” and drugged by “must haves.” These paths take us away from the essential.
Bernadette and I think the work at Brownstone is important. There are many nights when we share our frustrations over the (small) group of individuals who pass through here thinking that what we provide is just another commodity. While I sit here writing this, Bernadette is putting in another three hours of study in physiology. She’ll then work on some relaxation visualizations. When I finish, I’ll do some reading on motivation, relieving shoulder impingement, and thinking about exercise circuits. No fast food burgers being served here.
Struggle
Running a small business like this is a struggle on many levels. We are asking people to spend a decent amount money on a regular basis to do something that is hard and that most people don’t want to do. We’re proud of you for engaging in the struggle nonetheless
In the world’s oldest wisdom book, the Bhagavad Gita Gita, Lord Krishna tells Arjuna that “you are only entitled to your labors but not to the fruits of your labors.”
Our labor is not dedicated to toned arms and six-pack abs, but to freeing up your child inside, helping you to feel joy, and, when you let us, reminding you that you’re only one thought away from happiness.
You won’t find that in a 24-Hour Fitness brochure.
Zombies or Xanadu?
There was an article in our most recent newsletter about the Holy Grail for some people in their fitness quest – the elusive six-pack. Guess what? It’s diet and exercise. It’s also determined by who you had as parents. Genetics can trump a lot of things.
We walk an interesting line at Brownstone Fitness as we try to give people what they want. We believe that what everyone should want is to first be able to move without pain and to be stronger. Some people walk in getting it. Some become converts.
Not everyone who shows up here sees it this way. Those people head back to their Big Box gyms. They have a list of fitness classes, a vast array of exercise machines, and their latest year-long contract as proof of their commitment to their health.
When you read our manifesto, you see that we take on a lot of popular cultural conventions as we talk more about what’s needed by women in their pursuit of complete fitness. I’m having this discussion because you are a “client” and not a “customer.” A client is defined as someone under the protection and care of another. A customer is just the other part of a transaction. We like to think of our community as a “family without the dysfunction.” So we’ll have talks like this every now and then.
Our bodies are instruments. They help us express and implement our purpose in the world.
It would be kind of cool to “forge elite fitness” here every day but I have more clients concerned with their thyroid, getting pregnant, back pain, episiotomies, diastasis recti, and Kegel exercises than I do clients who are concerned with proper snatch form.
Whether you are excessively flabby and deconditioned, or extremely lean with rock hard muscles, you are living a statement that is not in accord with your human animal nature. At one extreme is diabetes, hypertension, and dyslipidemia. At the other is amenorrhea, osteoporosis, and eating disorders. Your body should reflect the symphony of tension and relaxation that exists in nature and throughout most of our human history.
One of my goals in the next year is to put my Dream Team together for the clients we serve – and for our own growth. They may be online interviews or in-person workshops. The team includes Tim Anderson and Geoff Neupert for their wisdom about moving like powerful human animals; Martha Peterson for her teachings on Essential Somatics and the connection between stress, pain, and intelligent movement; and Dan John (where I first learned about Martha Peterson) for all things strength leavened by common sense and philosophy. I have ebooks, audios, videos, and print books from all of them. It is quality material and they are quality people.
Having the freedom to surround myself with these kinds of resources is one of the reasons I make the income for quality of life tradeoff as a small business owner (yes, Bernadette. I’m looking to balance the scale a little more!).
If your genetics have kept you from achieving that ultra-lean look, would you be okay with being strong, serene, and sexy? Are you open to a broader definition of fitness? You can do curls and crunches to train for “champagne wishes and caviar dreams” or you can do pushups, deadlifts, and pullups to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse. Call me if you want my opinion.
The Deadliest Number in Fitness
It’s actually also the most dangerous word in business (thank you, Dan Kennedy!) and most relationships. That word is…
ONE.
Business Lesson
Having spent most of my professional life in the nonprofit world, I had a certain view as to how marketing should be done – and it worked. Moving into small business, I had a steep learning curve in marketing and sales. One of the things I realized early on was that having one marketing channel was not the best way to build a business. Our marketing pipeline opened with one of those Daily Deals. I found out that a lot of businesses don’t like these deals because of the low margin.
In our case, after offering the discount discount and giving Groupon, Living Social, etc., their cut, we end up making $5 per session. No one could stay in business with those margins! What participating in the deal did do was allow us to introduce our services to people who would otherwise have never heard of Brownstone Fitness. The Daily Deals have introduced us to people who have become loyal clients and in some cases, friends.
It gave us the space to improve our SEO (search engine optimization) rankings so that we could be found “organically,” hand out flyers, do in-person networking, send direct mail, and create a referral stream. Any one of these tactics would not be enough. We need a mix of online and offline.
In our fast-moving world, having one skill, preparing for one profession, having only one friend, relying on the one child who won’t put you in a nursing home (sorry but that’s one of my personal issues), going to only one restaurant, are all recipes for failure and unhappiness.
One and Fitness
In the world of fitness and health, the gurus and industry experts will tell you there is one diet, one macronutrient, one exercise tool, one exercise program that will be your magic bullet to the body and life you’ve wanted. Humans are more complex than that. I do believe that adherence to certain principles will lead to general wellness and fitness. A first principle at Brownstone Fitness is that a person needs to be strong. All the other physical qualities will improve with an increase in strength.
When it comes to means and methods, some of it depends on a person’s goals. In general, these goals should reflect the variations, challenges, and flexibility that have allowed us to continue as a species. There are certain movements and functions that make us a complete human animal – the ability to efficiently and powerfully push, pull, rotate, lunge, pick up heavy things, throw, strike, and ambulate or run.
Yoga, distance running, weightlifting, or the latest dance craze – there is no One Way. The good news is that you can acquire or improve the qualities that have made us efficient human animals and you don’t have to spend ridiculous amounts of time doing it.
If you want coaching on not falling victim to ONE or on keeping the goal the goal, send me an email – [email protected]
My World War l Injury and Why You Shouldn’t Freeze
Have you ever been to northern Ontario? I have and it’s beautiful. I took a group of fifteen 13 & 14 year olds on a two-week canoeing trip. That’s where I got my injury.
The Beautiful Outdoors
In my other life, I did a lot outdoor stuff. Most of it revolved around getting kids into nature or immersed in other cultures. Bernadette and I even won an award for having one of the top Boy Scout troops in New York City. From Philmont, New Mexico to the Arctic Circle; from Nicragua to northern Minnesota; from Ghana to Senegal, I was in a rush to provide experiences for young people who had been otherwise relegated to the purgatory of irrelevance.
The scenery on this trip was as beautiful as the trip was physically challenging. I had no idea just how challenging it was going to get.
It seems we spent as much time carrying the canoes and equipment over land as we did on the water. “Portaging” is what fancy people call it. Even with all that walking, things took a while to dry. Two of those things were my feet.
My Aching Feet
When your feet are cold and wet with little chance of drying out, it turns out that you can get something called “Trench Foot.” Trench Foot got its name from the trench warfare of World War l, where its prevalence was first noted. Left untreated, you will develop gangrene. It seems that prior bouts of frostbite (which I had gotten before) make you more susceptible. I wish someone had told me before the canoe trip.
If left untreated, the feet swell up, the skin tears away, and infection occurs. It got so I was barely able to tolerate sandals or walking. Our guide took us by a remote cabin. He wanted to talk to the grizzly outdoorsman who had had some experience with these types of things. The Old Man of the Lake pronounced that he had only seen one case worse than mine. I asked what had happened to that individual. “They had to amputate one of his feet but they were able to save the other one.”
The only semi-serious medical facility was days away. That meant we needed to paddle. That night, the pain was excruciating. I was no longer able to walk. I had to crawl to help gather fire wood and the supplies to pitch my tent. My feet looked like the balloon animals at a child’s birthday party.
Beautifully Vulnerable
I had just finished drag/crawling my pack up the shore when my two teen canoe mates, Ericka and Christian, asked what I was doing and they ordered me to stop. What they said next would have had me close to tears if I wasn’t such a tough guy…
“You’re always taking care of all of us. It’s time for us to take care of you.” They set up my tent, gathered the fire wood, made my dinner, and checked in on me until I fell asleep. Despite the pain, I slept better than I had in a few days.
Well, the trip ended. With a couple of weeks of rest and some antibiotics, I was as good as new. I never spent much time focusing on that night on the lake. Only recently, have I reflected on that moment and those emotions over a decade ago. Why the delay? I think it’s because I was afraid.
Handling Fear
Afraid of what? Afraid of vulnerability. Afraid of the chaos that exists between what I am living for and what I am running from. Fear gives us permission to freeze. It dictates our thought patterns and how we move. If you’re working in a job that you hate or you have put on weight unconsciously, that may be how you deal with your feelings of vulnerability. Is it possible that you don’t have to stay frozen? Is it possible that there is beauty in your vulnerability? Should you continue to resist chaos? I’m still working all this out for myself.
Here’s What You Do
Does some of this make sense? If it does, here’s what you need to do next:
1. Recall a time you felt fear.
2. Ask yourself what experience and feelings you denied yourself (like joy, gratitude,anger, etc.) by substituting fear in its place.
3. Notice what comes up.
Personal trainers? Not really. I prefer to think of what we do as muscular life coaching. We’re here to join you on the path if you need us.
P.S. – Go to the form up top and sign up to get free health and fitness tips.
We’re Not Running For Office
Politicians
I love the smell of campaign season!
Not really.
It reminds me of how willing people are to compromise in pursuit of their own gain. We get to witness how candidates are willing to say the right thing and how they avoid doing the right thing. Stay away from controversy and figure out how to be stylishly lukewarm.
Passionate, strong, consistent, specific, honest? Stay away from politics.
Being Different
About a month ago, we went to visit our 11 year-old son on visiting day at his summer camp. He went for three weeks. It was his first time away from home. He’s of an age and a personality that caused us to miss him. He loves farms and nature. We were anxious to see how he was doing.
When we got upstate, he greeted us in the manner that I guess was age and context appropriate. We couldn’t do anything right. We were too friendly, we were too standoffish. “What did you bring me?” “How are the Mets doing?”(yes, the Mets - see YouTube for his video) “Why are you sitting there?” Why are we just sitting?” – I steeled myself and let his peer-nourished rudeness just wash over me.
After several hours it was time to go. The other families were in clusters exchanging emotional goodbyes and taking farewell photos. I pointed out to Vidar that we too should probably take a family photo of the occasion. After all, we don’t want to stand out, do we? He asked, “Why not? We’re not like everyone else and I don’t want to be.”
He was absolutely right about that first part, but it was still a little jolting to hear that he was more than ok with it.
My kids have paid what some outsiders might feel is a price for my professional decisions in pursuit of independence and service. The Bhagavad Gita points out that we are only entitled to our labor and not to the fruits of our labor. This is actually a genetic mutation passed down from my parents – family cars, vacations, the latest clothes? Ha!
Doing the Work
At some point, I learned not to fall in love with my profession(s). I learned to love and care about the people I do the work for. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You’re not really here to learn how to bench press more or have washboard abs, right? You want to make a change. We want to help. It’s what we value and it’s our mission.
Did you know that there’s a 72% attrition rate in the first year for personal trainers? Those are the people who look at this kind of thing as just another job. That’s the guy you met at the big name gym after you got hustled by guilt and the sales rep.
That’s not what we do. We’re more coach than trainer. We’re here to help you tell a different story and develop a different strategy. We’re clear about our nutrition (for more on that you can go here or here) and exercise preferences. We tell you the truth. The three of us will continue to tell you that you can’t out-exercise poor nutrition; you won’t get that beach body with one workout per week; you’re killing yourself on that 1,000 calorie/day diet; if you’re not going to spend the time to cook and learn the right way then stop pretending that you can be vegetarian and healthy.
Choosing
We understand our program isn’t for everybody. Because we meet you where you are doesn’t mean we will let you stay there. That’s what a politician would do just to keep your vote.
What does it take to be a politician and to run for office? Whatever it is, no one who lives or works at Brownstone Fitness has it – and that’s a good thing for you.
Oh yeah, that trainer making $5k per session that I mentioned in an earlier email? That was me. But it’s not exactly what you think. I’ll explain when we talk next.
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